A Snooze or a Brew….Which is Best?

Perhaps the top of the hill is the best place to be?

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I’m over the hill now,
Soon I should be picking up speed,
But a life somewhat faster
Is not something I need.
Most things are still working,
Have my own teeth, my own hair,
And at a finely turned ankle
I still like to stare.

I should really be grateful,
There’s no need to complain,
Old age has its benefits,
There’s so much that you gain;
If you sit there a minute,
Then I’ll write you a list;
But … perhaps a little snooze first,
They’re so hard to resist!

OK…. I’m back again,
Just a short power nap,
Too much thinking these days
Makes the energy sap;
Now something about a list?
First …. give me a minute or two,
I think I’ll just put the kettle on,
It must be time for a brew!

OK that’s better!
Now what were we saying?
(Memory’s not at its best,
At the edges it’s fraying.)
You were going to give me a list
Of what I would need
If I wanted to go faster,
If I wanted to speed?

No…. that won’t be necessary,
This slow life is fine,
I’ve found the top of the hill
To be a good finishing line;
So I think I’ll just stay here,
Not go over the crest.
Now …. a snooze or a brew?
Which do you think is best?

 

The Kitchen Sink Brigade

One of the few things my wife and I disagree on, dishwasher versus the sink, but as I’m the dishwasher ……….

Don’t mind washing dishes,
It helps me to think;
Warm soapy water,
A stainless steel sink.
To wash dishes clean
At an early age taught,
So to using a dishwasher
I just wouldn’t resort.

TPOTG Washing Dishes Frame

Don’t understand dishwashers,
First you have to stack them,
Then an hour and a half later
You have to unpack them.
Don’t see the point;
In half the time taken
Could wash a whole sink full,
If I’m not mistaken.

And that extra electricity
Have we gone completely insane?
Decided I’m going to start
A “Ban Dishwashers” campaign,
Will install myself as leader,
Of “The Kitchen Sink Brigade”,
You see, when washing dishes
Cool decisions get made!

 TOOTG Copyright 2016-2020 01

 

Procrastination? I Need To Think About That…..

Would becoming more decisive be a good decision? I’m trying to decide…..

TPOTG Procrastination with frame

I’m pondering on something that I have just heard,
It’s “procrastination”, an unusual word;
I’m trying to decide if I’ve heard it before,
I think I might have, but I’m not really sure.

Five syllables long, but what does it mean?
I need to find out, (hope it’s nothing obscene),
But I can’t decide where I should look,
Should I go online or refer to a book?

Perhaps ask a friend, but then again, maybe not,
Just in case I didn’t like the answer I got,
And anyway it might not speed up the task,
As I’d have to decide which friend I would ask.

Should I look this morning; or this afternoon?
Or investigate tomorrow? Today is a little too soon.
Maybe I won’t look at all, oh I just can’t decide,
But there’s no need to rush, I’ve got time on my side.

I think I need to reflect and have a tea break,
Or would coffee be better, help keep me awake?
And the tea or the coffee, in a mug or a cup?
So many decisions, they just keep mounting up.

My voyage of discovery may well be life changing,
So the pro’s and the cons need careful arranging;
I just must be wary as my enquiries are progressed,
Don’t want to do anything that might leave me distressed.

Perhaps it would be better to postpone my investigation,
And forget all about the meaning of procrastination?
At least I feel sure, well, with near certainty,
That procrastination won’t have anything to do with me!

TOOTG Copyright 2016-2020 01

Diets Can Be Dangerous

Christmas and New Year celebrations have added to the waistline, a fact confirmed by the scales, so it’s diet time, although there are risks associated with that…

TPOTG Shower Waste

 

And so today my diet begins,
A necessary penance to counter my feeding sins;
Over indulgence, unnecessary eating,
All the wrong foods together competing
To increase my waistline, add a new layer of fat;
Well this diet will wave goodbye to all that.
No more carbs at breakfast, lunch or dinner,
And as the weeks pass I’ll get thinner and thinner,
Until very soon precautions will need to be placed
To ensure I don’t disappear down the shower waste!

TOOTG Copyright 2016-2020 01

The Sunglasses’ Nightmare

You know what it’s like when you put something down, but you just can’t remember where…..

I looked for them here, I looked for them there,
I looked for those sunglasses everywhere.
I looked in the kitchen, I looked in the hall,
Where had I put them? I couldn’t recall.
Searched the lounge, even looked in the loo;
Without my sunglasses what would I do?
Should have walked the dog before the sunrise,
Now the sun is too bright, it will hurt my eyes;
Looked through my office, turned files upside down,
The smile I woke up with had turned into a frown.
I just need my sunglasses, I need them to wear;
Oh the frustration!  I was beginning to swear.
Are they in the car? Took a look in the garage:
Had my wife hid them? No, I mustn’t disparage.
Now getting ever more desperate, even looking under the bed,
And that’s when I found them – on top of my head!

TOOTG Copyright 2016-2020 01

Santa’s Bedford Experience

A brief look at early morning on Christmas Day in Bedford…….

So what happened in Bedford
On Christmas Day?
Did Santa arrive
With his reindeer and sleigh?
Well, Pete couldn’t feed the reindeer,
It’s been far too dry,
And without food for the reindeer
Santa was unable to fly.
So to ensure the presents
Arrived on your hearth,
Santa used a scooter
That he borrowed from Garth.
So we had the sound of put-putting
Instead of the sound of hooves,
And sadly no sleigh perched
On Bedford’s tin rooves.
From his new petrol pumps
Wolfie provided free fuel
And there were drinks from SPAR
To help keep Santa cool.
As Santa passed Hope Street
Charles played him a song
(Sounded like Cliff Richard,
Although I could be wrong).
Abby tried to sell him a house,
But Santa didn’t have time,
Said on his return to Lapland
He’d take a look online.
Couldn’t stop for a portrait,
So Ken got frustrated,
And there was no time for Les
To get social media updated.
So there you have it,
No reindeer, no sleigh
But I hope that didn’t spoil
Your Christmas Day.

TOOTG Copyright 2016-2020 01

Dog Whistles

But how DO you know if a dog whistle works?

I think I have stumbled across one of life’s quirks
How do you know if a dog whistle works?
Dog whistle manufacturers, now how do they know
That a whistle will work when you give it a blow?

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Whistle technology is not that profound,
And you know if it works, you can hear by the sound;
But a dog whistle is silent to the human ear,
With a vibration and pitch we’re unable to hear.

So how would you ever be able to detect
If the whistle you’d bought had a defect?
When your dog doesn’t come when the whistle you blow,
Is it your dog or the whistle, how would you know?

Some dogs might object to the whistling sound
Made by the new toy that their owners have found,
So if your dog doesn’t respond, it may be through choice,
Preferring to answer only to their master’s voice.

“Respond to a whistle? Don’t you think I have feelings?
Maybe it’s time to review our dog/human dealings,
If whistling is something that cheers up your life,
Then don’t whistle me, go whistle your wife!”

Sadly all of my enquiries have been in vain,
So as one of life’s mysteries it must remain;
And while the manufacturers aren’t prepared to give us the proof,
Perhaps one day a dog “whistle-blower” might just tell us the truth?

 

TOOTG Copyright 2016-2020 01

Hanging Out the Washing

Some guys have all the luck….

I was given my instructions as the wife drove away
To hang out some washing, it was a good drying day;
She assured me I’d cope, it was a simple enough task,
Anything more challenging then she just wouldn’t ask.

tpotg-hanging-out-the-washing-01

Now there’s something therapeutic about pegging out clothes,
Working out logically where each item goes;
Allowing enough space so that clothes can blow free,
And won’t get all tangled, bringing misery to me.

Finding a place on the line that looks just about right,
Making sure the pegs are fixed, good and tight;
The satisfaction when finished of a line neatly hung,
From life’s little pleasures such joy can be wrung.

TOOTG Copyright 2016-2020 01

Scales; There’s No Justice!

Standing on the scales can be a real mood changer!

TPOTG Scales 02

It’s a daily ritual
That so many perform.
To stand on the scales,
“Oh weight, please conform!”
We’ve set ourselves goals,
We just want to weigh less,
If we can’t lose those pounds
It just adds to the stress.

So it is with some trepidation
That I strip to the raw,
Ponder the scales,
Waiting there on the floor.
To weigh or not to weigh?
Now that is the question,
Should I leave it ‘til tomorrow,
Maybe use some discretion.

“What say you, scales,
Are you a friend or a foe?”
Until I weigh myself
I’ll just never know;
“Please digital display
Show the numbers I need,
I want to lose weight;
I need to recede”.

Stop! Think back to yesterday,
What did I eat?
Oh god, I had cheesecake,
But I needed a treat,
For the rest of the day
I think I was good,
Eating only the food
That I knew that I should.

That cheesecake now
Plays on my mind,
Better not weigh myself,
Yes, that would be kind,
If my weight’s gone up
A bitter pill to swallow,
Best leave this weighing thing
Until tomorrow!

TOOTG Copyright 2016-2020 01

Cold

There’s nothing worse than a good old fashioned cold!

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You know how it is
When your head’s full of cold,
When you’re aching and miserable
And feeling quite old.
Your sinuses blocked,
Your nose a bright red,
Fighting the urge
To just go to bed;
Taking the tablets
That the wife said you should,
Never really knowing
If they do any good,
Hoping it’ll be gone
In the next day or two,
And hoping like mad
The wife doesn’t catch your cold too!

TOOTG Copyright 2016-2020 01