The Tournament

Time for a ripping yarn, knights of old, chivalry and all that stuff.

TPOTG Knight on Horseback Frame 01

It was the feast of King Faust, the day of the joust,
And the weather was decidedly chilly.
The frost on the ground made a soft crunching sound
Under the hooves of Sir Lancelot’s filly.

He’d been up with the lark, and it was still somewhat dark
As he rode through Castle Camelot’s gate.
His earnest intent was to win the tournament,
So he was determined not to be late.

With sword and lance he was furnished, his armour well burnished,
All polished by John, his loyal squire.
They made quite a display as they set out on their way,
Both dressed in their finest attire.

Ahead lay a hard fight with the notorious Black Knight,
Sir Lancelot’s old formidable foe;
And as metal met metal, a score they would settle;
This day down in history would go.

TPOTG Black Knight 1 Frame 01

The beautiful Guinevere, she was sure to be there,
Watching the contest from the grandstand.
Although they were not married, her colours he carried
And if he won he would ask for her hand.

Before that could be done, there was a fight to be won,
The squire had his knight to prepare;
With a hand that was steady, John got Sir Lancelot ready;
A horse and rider to make people stare.

The joust got under way shortly after mid-day,
The knights on either side of the tilt.
As they began to advance, lowering visor and lance,
There was no time for courage to wilt.

Charging now at full pace, the noise filled the place,
As the crowd began to raise their voices.
Where to aim for the best, at the head or the chest?
The knights had to make their quick choices.

First hit to the Black Knight, he got his choice right,
Striking Lancelot on his polished breast plate.
And with a crashing sound, he hit the hard ground,
Pulled down by his armour’s great weight.

The Black Knight quickly turned, chivalry was now spurned,
And he attacked Lancelot from the rear.
The crowd stopped their cheering, and now started jeering;
John shouted a warning, loud and clear.

At the sound of John’s voice, Lancelot made the right choice,
Swung around with his shield raised up high.
The Black Knight’s sword crashed, Lancelot’s shield was smashed,
It all happened in the blink of an eye.

TPOTG Black Knight Fighting

The Black Knight charged again, another blow tried to rain
Down upon brave Sir Lancelot’s head.
But Lancelot’s blade flashed, the attack had been dashed,
And the Black Knight lost his sword now instead.

 Still mounted on horse, the Black Knight changed his course,
And galloped away for to get a new lance.
But squire John, with great speed, caught Sir Lancelot’s steed,
Giving the brave knight just one more chance.

Even with his armour to straddle, he was quick in the saddle,
Reined his horse round to face the Black Knight.
With his sword now held high, he charged with a full battle cry,
It made such a wondrous sight.

The Black Knight stood not a chance, the sword dealt with the lance,
The pole fell to the ground sliced in two.
Grass sods got churned, as brave Lancelot turned,
And with his sword ran the Black Knight clean through.

So much blood now gushed, as the Black Knight’s horse rushed
Towards the stone wall by the side of the Keep.
At the wall the horse stopped and the Black Knight, dead, dropped
To the ground, where he lay in a heap.

The crowd cheered their approval at the Black Knight’s removal;
Sir Lancelot jumped down from his horse.
Climbing on the grandstand, he took Guinevere’s hand,
And so history had taken its course.

TOOTG Copyright 2016-2020 01

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Night Before Christmas; The Mouse’s Story

“…..’Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse…” We all know Clement Clarke Moore’s wonderful Christmas poem, but did you

ever wonder about that mouse? Well this is his story…

tpotg-night-before-xmas-01

T’was the night before Christmas
And little Samuel the mouse
Could sense the excitement
As he stole round the house.

Something was different,
Coloured lights and decorations,
And strangers in the house
Called friends and relations.

There was a tree that twinkled,
A holly and mistletoe smell,
And candles on the mantelpiece,
Stockings hung there as well.

For an inquisitive mouse
Lots of new things to explore;
Samuel raced around so excited,
Looking for more.

He climbed the sparkling tree,
Surprised the fairy on top,
Then sliding off from a branch
Landed on boxes with a “plop!”

He didn’t know what was in them,
Or how much joy they would bring,
He just sniffed the bright paper
And had a chew on the string.

Then Samuel spotted something,
It was a sight for sore eyes,
A plate there by the hearth
Loaded with sweet smelling pies.

He danced across the room,
Had his Christmas now come?
A plate full of happiness,
Oh what a treat for his tum!

But before he could eat one
Samuel got such a fright
As a voice cried out,
“Phew, this chimney is tight!”

Then soot started falling,
And crash, a man appeared,
Dressed in a sooty red coat,
With a long, sooty white beard.

He dusted himself down,
Took a sack from his back,
And with a “Ho! Ho! Ho!”
Parcels he began to unpack.

Samuel dashed away,
A frightened little mouse,
Went back behind the skirting
Into his safe little house.

As he watched through a crack
His pies disappeared,
Eaten by the old man
With sooty white beard

Then the old man sighed,
“Suppose it’s time I moved on,”
And he went back to the chimney
And in a flash he was gone.

And as Samuel watched this
He was sure he could hear
Clattering hooves on the roof
That sounded a bit like reindeer.

Samuel crept from his house
And to his surprise,
There by the skirting board
Was one of the pies,

And a note that simply said
“Samuel this one is for you,
Making folks happy at Christmas
Is just what I do.”

So little Samuel slept happily
All through that Christmas day,
Full from eating that pie
Left by the man with the sleigh.

TOOTG Copyright 2016-2020 01

The Prickly Pear

Have the bees been playing tricks on me…?

I went to see my apple tree
And what did I find there?
Not my favourite Granny Smith,
But instead a prickly pear.
Now I’ve never heard of this before,
A most unusual situation.
Must be the result of a freak of nature,
An error in cross pollination.

So I rang the Cross Pollination Institute,
To ask them about my pear,
But they were out cross pollinating,
So I got no answers there.
It must be the bees who had got confused,
So I know where I must go,
A bee keeper lived at the end of the lane,
The last cottage in the row.

But the bee keeper couldn’t help me,
Yesterday he’d been badly stung,
And off he’d been whisked to hospital
After the ambulance had been rung.
It was certainly proving quite difficult
To find out about my prickly pear,
I know! I could try the library;
I should find the answer there.

Down the hill and across the bridge,
The library was by the church with a spire
But when I got there, oh what a shock,
The library building was engulfed in fire!
Fire engines parked along the street,
There were firemen and hoses galore;
I was feeling really frustrated now,
Under my breath, I nearly swore.

Then I remembered the interweb,
Google it, come on, I should have known!
But would you believe it, my router was down,
A connection appears to have blown.
So on went the kettle, I needed a cuppa,
To help me try and recuperate;
Finding out about my prickly pear
For the time being, would have to wait.

Then one last idea came into my head,
I could use mobile communication.
A photo taken and shared on line,
I could ask for some information.
So off I went to photograph it,
No way was I going to be beaten,
But when I arrived back at my apple tree,
By the birds, the pear had been eaten!

 

A Knight in Shining Armour – A Short Ripping Yarn

A knight in shining armour, how many women dream of finding theirs? But he can come with baggage, in this case it’s his shining armour!

tpotg-knight-in-shining-armour-frame-01

I was reading the stories of the days of King Arthur,
And the woman he loved dearly, the beautiful Martha;
Of his acts of gallantry, a chivalrous armour clad knight,
But of how in the bed chamber things were not going right.

You see it took him so long to remove his armour plating,
That Martha fell asleep, while she was waiting.
So a plan he devised, to keep Martha sweet,
He wouldn’t need armour if he chose to retreat.

If the enemy couldn’t catch him he’d not have to fight,
And he’d be ready for Martha, Oh! what a good knight!
But his planned battle tactics upset the Lord Howard,
Who accused our good king of being a coward.

And he challenged King Arthur to a duel with the lance;
Now with no battle armour, Arthur stood little chance,
So he got out his armour, dusted it down,
Put on breast plate and helmet, after removing his crown,

Arthur met with Lord Howard in a field after dawn,
(To keep this from Martha all were solemnly sworn).
The duel did not last long, only two charges they said,
Before the Lord Howard, in the long grass lay dead.

Removing breast plate and helmet he went back to his Martha;
And no one ever again dared to challenge King Arthur.
The moral of the story; “When your knight you do find,
Make sure he leaves his shining armour behind!”

TOOTG Copyright 2016-2020 01