Santa’s Bedford Experience

A brief look at early morning on Christmas Day in Bedford…….

So what happened in Bedford
On Christmas Day?
Did Santa arrive
With his reindeer and sleigh?
Well, Pete couldn’t feed the reindeer,
It’s been far too dry,
And without food for the reindeer
Santa was unable to fly.
So to ensure the presents
Arrived on your hearth,
Santa used a scooter
That he borrowed from Garth.
So we had the sound of put-putting
Instead of the sound of hooves,
And sadly no sleigh perched
On Bedford’s tin rooves.
From his new petrol pumps
Wolfie provided free fuel
And there were drinks from SPAR
To help keep Santa cool.
As Santa passed Hope Street
Charles played him a song
(Sounded like Cliff Richard,
Although I could be wrong).
Abby tried to sell him a house,
But Santa didn’t have time,
Said on his return to Lapland
He’d take a look online.
Couldn’t stop for a portrait,
So Ken got frustrated,
And there was no time for Les
To get social media updated.
So there you have it,
No reindeer, no sleigh
But I hope that didn’t spoil
Your Christmas Day.

The Night Before Christmas – The Mouse’s Story

“…..’Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse…” We all know Clement Clarke Moore’s wonderful Christmas poem, but did you

ever wonder about that mouse? Well this is his story…

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T’was the night before Christmas
And little Samuel the mouse
Could sense the excitement
As he stole round the house.

Something was different,
Coloured lights and decorations,
And strangers in the house
Called friends and relations.

There was a tree that twinkled,
A holly and mistletoe smell,
And candles on the mantelpiece,
Stockings hung there as well.

For an inquisitive mouse
Lots of new things to explore;
Samuel raced around so excited,
Looking for more.

He climbed the sparkling tree,
Surprised the fairy on top,
Then sliding off from a branch
Landed on boxes with a “plop!”

He didn’t know what was in them,
Or how much joy they would bring,
He just sniffed the bright paper
And had a chew on the string.

Then Samuel spotted something,
It was a sight for sore eyes,
A plate there by the hearth
Loaded with sweet smelling pies.

He danced across the room,
Had his Christmas now come?
A plate full of happiness,
Oh what a treat for his tum!

But before he could eat one
Samuel got such a fright
As a voice cried out,
“Phew, this chimney is tight!”

Then soot started falling,
And crash, a man appeared,
Dressed in a sooty red coat,
With a long, sooty white beard.

He dusted himself down,
Took a sack from his back,
And with a “Ho! Ho! Ho!”
Parcels he began to unpack.

Samuel dashed away,
A frightened little mouse,
Went back behind the skirting
Into his safe little house.

As he watched through a crack
His pies disappeared,
Eaten by the old man
With sooty white beard

Then the old man sighed,
“Suppose it’s time I moved on,”
And he went back to the chimney
And in a flash he was gone.

And as Samuel watched this
He was sure he could hear
Clattering hooves on the roof
That sounded a bit like reindeer.

Samuel crept from his house
And to his surprise,
There by the skirting board
Was one of the pies,

And a note that simply said
“Samuel this one is for you,
Making folks happy at Christmas
Is just what I do.”

So little Samuel slept happily
All through that Christmas day,
Full from eating the sweet pie
Left by the man with the sleigh.

 

 

The Prickly Pear

Have the bees been playing tricks on me…?

I went to see my apple tree
And what did I find there?
Not my favourite Granny Smith,
But instead a prickly pear.
Now I’ve never heard of this before,
A most unusual situation.
Must be the result of a freak of nature,
An error in cross pollination.

So I rang the Cross Pollination Institute,
To ask them about my pear,
But they were out cross pollinating,
So I got no answers there.
It must be the bees who had got confused,
So I know where I must go,
A bee keeper lived at the end of the lane,
The last cottage in the row.

But the bee keeper couldn’t help me,
Yesterday he’d been badly stung,
And off he’d been whisked to hospital
After the ambulance had been rung.
It was certainly proving quite difficult
To find out about my prickly pear,
I know! I could try the library;
I should find the answer there.

Down the hill and across the bridge,
The library was next to the church with the spire
But when I got there, oh what a shock,
The library building was engulfed in fire!
Fire engines parked along the street,
There were firemen and hoses galore;
I was feeling really frustrated now,
Under my breath, I nearly swore.

Then I remembered the interweb,
Google it, come on, I should have known!
But would you believe it, my router was down,
A connection appears to have blown.
So on went the kettle, I needed a cuppa,
To help me try and recuperate;
Finding out about my prickly pear
For the time being, would have to wait.

Then one last idea came into my head,
I could use mobile communication.
A photo taken and shared on line,
I could ask for some information.
So off I went with my phone in hand,
No way was I going to be beaten,
But when I arrived back at my apple tree,
By the birds, the pear had been eaten!

 

A Knight in Shining Armour – A Short Ripping Yarn

A knight in shining armour, how many women dream of finding theirs? But he can come with baggage, in this case it’s his shining armour!

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I was reading the stories of the days of King Arthur,
And the woman he loved dearly, the beautiful Martha;
Of his acts of gallantry, a chivalrous armour clad knight,
But of how in the bed chamber things were not going right.

 It took him so long to remove his armour plating,
That Martha fell asleep, while she was waiting.
So a plan he devised, it was clever and cunning,
No armour was needed if he simply kept running.

If the enemy couldn’t catch him he’d not have to fight,
And he’d be ready for Martha, Oh! what a good knight!
But his planned battle tactics upset the Lord Howard,
Who accused our good king of being a coward.

And he challenged King Arthur to a duel with the lance;
Now with no battle armour, Arthur stood little chance,
So he got out his armour and dusted it down,
Put on breast plate and helmet, first removing his crown,

Arthur met with Lord Howard in a field after dawn,
(To keep this from Martha he had solemnly sworn).
The duel did not last long, only two charges they said,
Before the Lord Howard, in the long grass lay dead.

Removing breast plate and helmet he went back to his Martha;
And no one ever again dared to challenge King Arthur.
The moral of the story; “When your knight you do find,
Make sure that he leaves his shining armour behind”.tootg-copyright-2016-2017